He/Him

A post about our men <3

I am mourning for my husband, and the husband of my daughter (s) and bearing them up in prayer. I take issue with how toxic parent-child relationships and intimate-partner relationships have utterly wrecked their self-esteem and confidence. In a more encompassing way, I take issue with how it has deformed their self-identity.

They are either no longer the Kings they were supposed to be or they no longer see themselves as the Kings they are. We can tussle about this because we are not all Kings and Queens. Quite literally, there are standards for that. But, that is not why we are here. What you should be bothered by is the “why” their regality was revoked or is dormant.

I am sad about how we women have really messed up our men and vis-à-vis, how men have allowed women to mess them up.

I stand in the shadows, maybe not so much, and I observe men being phonies out here in these streets. Truthfully, it’s because they have to fake confidence by pretending to be the bow of the -ship. Some of them don’t even know that they are faking because they have merely adopted the behaviors and patterns that society has outlined for them. The blueprint.

But, I see how much you have forsaken your goals because she does not believe in you and your abilities. I also see how much you do not believe in yourself and how much you need the affirmation and praise from others, not just her- be it your woman or your mother.

I see how much you have failed to rise and to roar because she has assumed herself dominatrix and you the submissive, or you pet, or you blind, or you vision-less, because she is smarter or has the stronger earning power.

Quite frankly, I know I am pissing people off right now, but I see how much you have been manipulated and traumatized by who you came out of and who you go into.

You walk on eggshells and whisper in a house that you are supposed to be the leader of, a house that she should [have made] make a home.

Young girl, mature woman, don’t you see how you have silenced the man, sent him shrinking and running- stagnant.

Well fully stagnant in his embodiment and becoming King and halfway functional to fulfill your demands.

Why do you think he needs you and you don’t need him?

I am sure our grannies have pounded in our heads the main roles of men- utility and safety. And I am sure Kevin Samuels has brainwashed lots of you into believing and striving for some pseudo idea of a man.

Best believe you need her too. Mhmm. A male recently told me that he needs his woman to strike his ego. This can be toxic as hell. But, yes, you need her to do so.

How do you do this for your man you may ask? Well, you won’t ask that because you are… you know.

But the man wants to be seen and heard and believed and followed and supported and held [up] and affirmed and respected and to be informed and consulted and useful.

They are so sensitive and I don’t even think they know it. It is so easy for a woman to break the spirit of the man that loves her. And a man loved right, poured into and watered is so healthy and secure and sexy (other women are going to notice that) and in turn, successful.

Love strives where there is vulnerability. And something I have observed is that a man needs to trust a woman before letting her in, in a deeply [deeper] intimate way, and man, instead of creating that safe- judgment-free space, she comes banging, and shouting and climbing the wall.

Do you know how powerful it is when a man opens up and lets you walk in, gives you his heart and core to tend to, and populate with words of wisdom and love?

And man, do you consider how powerful it is when a woman trusts you? Ahh, I think you do because that also strikes your ego.

Why do you think you do not need him and only he needs you?

You think you are so smart and independent and strong and driven- you think that you don’t need him, or want to choose when and how is best suited for you. But you need that man sis, best believe he/him will unfold so much beauty in you, well so much terror too because he is your reflection. Mhmm. This is calling on your femininity- I have been learning a lot about this recently- Thank God.

On the note of femininity, you be the stern of the -ship ( stern? how ironic)- “provide low resistance, high propulsion efficiency, and avoid vibrations, keep the water out”- Keep the man afloat and focused.

With that I reiterate that the man is the bow of the -ship- “enable the hull to pass efficiently through the water, control the speed and direction of a craft.”

Let the man lead you sustainably, let the man hold you up and hold you, let the man love your soul and take care of you and lift the weight. Especially the black-woman struggle that is often embraced. I really think embracing your need for your man will raise within you a different perspective and different views on life. Why do you think you are beyond moulding? See that man as priest, protector, and provider, including and beyond financial provisions.

I am telling you- Well, let me talk for myself- I need a man to love my soul, that is the basis of it for me.

We need to engender a culture of vulnerability and sharing of self and a culture of folding into each other- but how much?

In my past relationship, he always said I wasn’t sharing [myself] with him and I never understood what he meant. I always argued how he could think and feel that way when he was quite familiar with things and the people that mattered most to me. But I was shutting him out of my core. Ofc, there is more to that, like the issue of trust, but let's stick to the topic.

Well, all that to end on a high- literal infliction in my voice- to ask a question, how do we heal and reclaim our sovereignty as man and woman?