I am a complete Mess

Updated: Jun 2


It's 11:16 pm on a Monday and I am sitting on my bed that I didn't spread this morning, though I changed the sheets last night, in just panty and bonnet, nothing else. My 20 something dollar, blue and black headset that my ex-boyfriend ordered for me, is blasting an Abba playlist from the free version of Spotify in my ears.


I just had the later- the leftover half of my lunch from today- and drank some Pepsi. Now my head is bobbing- banging against air, only pausing to catch the stale popcorn my friend bought me when we went to go see a movie in Portmore last night. I was shocked when I realised in the end that I had only eaten about 1/4, if so much. Anyhow, the rest slept on my chest of drawers.


By now I know you are all judging me but if I cared I wouldn't be sharing this. Let's get back to it. Now, I am celebrating catching 4 consecutive popcorns and screaming "Voulez- Vous", singing on top of my lungs with Abba. Thank God for Mamma Mia.


Man, this feels good! My new friend, with whom I have been texting almost every single day... especially at nights, is laughing at me because I told him I feel drunk- no worries it's the caffeine, he was standing right next to me earlier today too when I bought that Pepsi- how irresponsible of him.


I have been so tired lately. Between my 9-5, FrEelAnciNg, tutoring, swimming, finding time for those I love and today I started a course... Ummm, I am exhausted, honestly. I got home today after 8 pm, forgot my laptop bag outside, decided to strip naked and instead of heading to the shower as I would usually do, I laid on my back in my bed and put my headphones on. I went for the bag, but I am still here, haven't showered, haven't gotten dressed (not even to get the bag- no one saw me, I am sure).


In all this headbanging, I looked around my room, hair products on my desk, four dresses hanging on my steamer, handbags, laptop bags and my swimming bag on the chairs and floor, and I exhaled. I feel so relaxed- all because my room is a mess. The intention was to clean when I get home but naa. I'm just about at the bottom of my popcorn bag now. I need to rest after this.


Sometimes chaos is the fix we need... I need. I spontaneously left Kingston for a week, came back Saturday night after working all day and then worked Sunday again and then went to the movies as I committed to.


Somehow, with all these clothes everywhere, this feels a bit university student- dorm-roomie because that was the last time something like this happened to me. Yet, somehow that feeling brings peace, though for a second I wonder if I'm a failing adult.



I am reminded, however, that it's okay not to have it all together and even those moments can be beautiful too. I am crab dancing in the middle of the room right now, still screaming "Voulez-vous" with one hand stuck in the bag of stale popcorn, still just bonnet and panty, but now mixing the "crab dance" with a little cha-cha and waiting on my new friend to finish texting his "Losing His Virginity" story- how did we even end up here? He is at 40+ messages and he still isn't there yet.


Anyways, I'm getting a headache now, I still don't know what I'm going to do for my radio programme this week and I feel okay. WoooooooooooooSaaaaaaaaaaaaa! Breathe.


I can hear a certain someone right now talking bout, "that's NoT wiFELY". Bye.


Relax a little...


Until next time... Because the journey continues.


36 views0 comments

Recent Posts

See All

He/Him