Updated: Dec 17, 2021
We are told we are ambitious or superficial but I am being forced to make a list.
I was a simple gal:
Be honest, emotionally available, trustworthy, responsible, hardworking, respectful, love God, family man- All regular things anyone could expect or desire.
Then I feel like my list needs to be more tailored to include explicit things like age:maturity:success ratio, tone and body language, dental health, socially exposed (enough), employed, a great child-parent relationship...
Since I started "dating" again I am just amazed by the things that I've experienced. I have realised that my list isn't much of a list but I come to this conversation, pen in hand, a hypocrite. Guilty of what you might ask, I'm not sure as yet.
When I think of what I am worth and what I am worthy of, I think of great character traits first, top of the list. But what if such a person is not able to "provide care" for me maybe based on his age: success ratio or maybe just unfortunate turn of events in his life? What do you do about the fact that he ticks all the character traits boxes?
Throw the whole... Nope... A section of the list away.
These questions came about for a lot of reasons. In a conversation I was having weeks ago with someone who was faced with this decision of whether to leave him or stay, I shared about the importance and duty of a woman. I am strongly of the opinion that a woman ought to elevate and improve the life of any man she is with. She can't give him ambition and drive if he doesn't have them or want them, but she can provide clear sight for his vision, she can be a guide, she can provide sobriety, she can re-centre him and repurpose him too. That's how you be the neck so he can be the head.
Too often we turn our noses up, wanting finished products. But, even completed shoes still need to styled, sometimes need to be "broken in" or stretched. Have you ever gotten a pair of Clarks shoes too small?
I am not saying I will subject myself to a situation that will genuinely make me unhappy, or one where I need to make a man. I will, however, take a man-for you, you define a man- and make him better.
Sure enough, I wouldn't mind being spoiled based on the luxury of money right now, but if I don't get that... right now, I can still choose a man and get that someday. My "man" means he wants better and he is willing to work for it.
I'm also very mindful of the control and power that comes with their ability to provide. Note, I'm not doing any sweeping generalisations, there are possibilities of danger on both sides of the line.
Right now I'm choosing between being loved- unconditionally-well, ah-mazing foot rubs, endless care, [com]passion, and getting gifts and money. Tsk Tsk!
... It's feeling very "Let's make some money, baby! Let's get building... well, just after you're through with dinner 😘😊🥰"