Morbid part II

Death is never really an easy thing to deal with and so, what is your ministry of presence to those who have lost someone, their laughter and their cooking?

So many times I have held back the tears, even yesterday while I was at work. Then I saw my sister’s WhatsApp status, that she has been fighting hard to not burst out crying. Of course, like some fool, I asked her what’s wrong:

After that short conversation, I was having a breathing session with myself at my desk in between crying tempers. It didn't help that I was running on five hours of sleep over days. I had to take it to the bathroom. I hate that we live together, try to do emotional check-ins but still have been “hiding” these crying episodes from each other.

I used to hear of people dying, but since experiencing two deaths in my family, 24 hours apart last week, to me, death announcements have become regular updates. Heightened sensitivity perhaps? I don’t know who these persons are, but I hurt for them too, having a slight idea of what they may be going through.

I hurt for this world really, this beautiful world filled with dark wormholes. It feels like a plague has befallen existence. I say existence because it's not just the human race, I feel the earth and creation fighting to stay alive. And through my wet glance, that battle is much like mine trying to hold back the tears.

I spoke about reexamining the issue of death and the ministry of our presence from a different perspective. I wanted to ensure what I publish is an authentic account and expression of what I feel and experience. With the listening ears of my body and soul, I have realised what this part two should be about and came into acquaintance with renewed perspective.

The clear point for me is that it's still a blur to me and a lot of people.

How really do we deal with death, and how do we manage our emotions?

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“Don’t tell me say is somebody else dead again,” one person exclaimed when she was asked about her knowing a family.

Hours later, another person expressed that she is tired of hearing of persons passing. Her statement sparked a conversation. I was only the person eavesdropping though.

*Sam started the conversation saying she seems one edge, [highly disturbed] because she keeps talking about it.

Because I watch and listen a lot, I know the “talking about it” Sam was referring to was the fact that she shared the updates with her friend.

Now, in my understanding, this lady was left having to explain and even defend herself. I share her sentiments: Yes, she is moved by it but not so much on edge that she needs to be hijacked with a free therapy session she did not ask for.

In this season, I stay needing a hug and kind gestures, NOT OUT OF PITY, just out of love.

I am not used to *needing these things but I do right now.

Hug me, join me in a dance session, make me laugh, take me out to lunch, buy me flowers, get me a thoughtful gift, visit me.

These things I usually do for myself with no cap, but I can't really show up extra for me right now.

In fact, I woke up at 6:30 this morning, spoke to my mom on the phone and just burst out crying right after.

So, to the Sams of this world, have some emotional intelligence and allow people to deal and cope how they can, sorry we ruin your utopia.