Tumbling down

I am singing “and my life came tumbling down” in soprano right now when alto or tenor is probably my best sounding range. It does that to you.

Hormones.

Dang it. You need some quiet time if you don’t believe hormones can just “opposite day” your life even within a squinting moment.

I can make a list of all the physical things that it does to females- me, talking for myself because everyone’s experience is different- but in this post, I want to talk about the mental impact.

Snapshot

Just because I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t, the physical list looks something like this:-

“Swollen”, bloated and tender EVER-Y-WHERE including, lady parts, back, belly and legs. Skin. My head hurts too along with some hurtful not-so-cute bumps on my back.

Mentals

My mental health goes into Humpty-dumpty mode. Essentially, it's always tumbling down. After paying keen attention to my symptoms and logging the changes in my body at different stages in my cycle, I was self-diagnosed PMDD, Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder.

Talk about irritable!! PMDD also causes depression or anxiety about a week or two before your period starts. It usually leaves two to three days after your period starts.

So, when you catch me two weeks before my period, I want to cry for everything (slightly) good and I am super miserable and snappy. Everything is AM-PLI-FIED.

And man, I am so tired!!! I can’t go. I want to sleep.

What has actually been clinically diagnosed is PCOS, Polycystic Ovary Syndrome.

Snapshot

Pregnancy symptoms- bloating, gas, increased appetite, weight gain/inconsistency- less than cute body hair growth, abnormal flow and the likelihood of not being able to have children.

Mindfulness

Darn it (again). Thank God for that devotional I read that one time that said women need to be mindful of their menstrual cycle. So many things you have taken into serious prayer each time it’s that time of the month, not being mindful of why you feel the way you feel.

My whole world simply just comes tumbling down. I feel overwhelmed, stressed, depressed, like just crying and staying in bed. (I once burst out crying because I saw wet tissue on the road, ewww, lol)

Please don’t talk to me, don’t ask me anything. Thanks, respectfully.

But, because I still have to function (well) in the world it's the people who are close to me that become my punching back- that or I feel lonely and want to be loved on, babied and spoiled. Oopp. 😂