I don’t think I have shared much on the internet and every time I attempt to do so, something or someone stops me in my tracks. It's not an easy feat allowing your purpose to transform you as you walk the ordered steps. Personally, easing into this is about vulnerability. Sharing my life journey: the cute and cringing, to accompany, to inspire, to inform, to edify [me], can get discouraging and damaging sometimes.
Question: Who stole my bus pass?
Answer: The guy who pulled an America on my Iraq,(bomb a drop) and asked me to be his “lover” though he is otherwise “engaged.” This is someone I have had quite a few extensive conversations with about dating and relationships in our society. He spoke about how men think from a perspective informed by interactions and conversations of his kind. He explained to me the psychology behind what type of women some men choose to approach and why they choose a certain tactic. We discussed women being a threat, particularly intimately, in our highly misogynistic society.
While reasoning, he told me that I am a woman of a certain prestigious calibre and class. In Jamaican lingo, ‘him say mi a wife material.’ That was just conversation. I accepted the compliment.
But when the circles turned and I expressed disappointment in his admission to intimate feelings and his request, he raged mental war and hit me that, “Correct me if I am wrong but you seem like a really insecure lady.”
“Utterly disappointed.” That was my response. And then I went thinking. I felt really offended. I feel really offended and something else... I am not sure what.
I found myself wondering if I had written something on here that would have made him thought that. And chances are, there is something published that may give someone the idea that I am insecure.
The concept behind the question “Who stole my bus pass?” speaks to the people in our lives, on the sidelines, passing through, that do their utmost best to mess with our mojo.
Whoever said you were not good enough and made you believed it? Who reprogrammed you to ‘choose violence’? Who stumped on your growth instead of watering your seeds?
You would have made it, or made it earlier, or easier.
Who stole your bus pass?
At this moment, I know better than to allow myself to be cradled in defeat at his feet. But truthfully, I feel like holding back simply because I wonder if my accounts are being understood and accepted.
So many things and people have happened to me in my lifetime. So many things and people challenged my ability to be self-aware and know my worth, and even reprogrammed me to think I didn’t, couldn’t and would never. So many things and people stole my bus pass.
In some cases, I chased the thief down, and in other cases, I found another way.